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BREAKING NEWS: Smoking elongates your life and improves overall health and vitality!

For decades, scientists have been warning people all around the world that smoking is one of the most hazardous habits someone could form, as it deteriorates your cardiovascular, respiratory, and overall health. But, now is the time for all smokers and former smokers to rejoice! According to the World Health Organization (WHO), American Cancer Society, and the American Lung Association, they announced on September 5th, 2016, it is now safe to smoke cigarettes and other tobacco products. According to a wide-scale experiment conducted by Stanford University’s top medical scientists and doctors which involved the participation of approximately one million people all of ages and genders over a span of 40 years (1976-2016), It is not only safe to smoke cigarettes, but it is actually better for you health-wise. The study conducted showed that 97% of females and 96% of males saw a decrease in their weight and an increase in their cardiovascular, respiratory, reproductive, autoimmune, and bone health. The mass majority of people also reported having less mood swings, better vision, and an increase in self-esteem.

Now people may be wondering as to why smoking was considered hazardous for so many years. Stanford’s study also discovered that the reason as to why smoking was presumed to cause cancer and deteriorate one’s health by so many people was merely because of an old wives’ tale which had been started by old Auntie Faye in 1956 (Faye Thompson); she confessed to this on September 5th, 2016 as well. In an attempt to get her husband, sister, and her sons to stop wasting money on buying cigarettes, she composed a fictitious scientific thesis in which she included the names of many famous medical scientists and doctors of the time with fabricated evidence and showed it to her loved ones. After seeing the “evidence” they immediately quit smoking and Auntie Faye was deemed victorious in her effort. All the other wives in the neighborhood were in absolute awe of how Auntie Faye was able to trick her family into stop buying cigarettes so they bought copies of Faye’s “thesis” and showed it to their families as well. Eventually word spread around like wildfire that smoking was harmful for people and unfortunately, due to the “Placebo Effect,” the belief manifested itself and actually manipulated people’s bodies into creating cancerous cells and other diseases/sicknesses.

There is no longer any valid reason to fear for your own, family member’s, friend’s, co-worker’s life anymore now that scientific evidence from experimentation has finally surfaced.