Battle of the Nuts 1964

In the year 1964, this location on SJSU's campus was once the ground of a war that claimed over 100,000 american lives. The battle was fought over the freedom of squirrels in downtown San Jose. Many people claimed that the population of nuts was diminishing at an astonishing rate and that something must be done about it. It ended up being a battle against those who wanted as surplus of nuts, and others who felt the need to protect wildlife and fought for the freedom of the squirrels. The battle took over 3 months and was named by fact the most gruesome battle in American history. The casualty count was unfathomable because it was the highest death count of any war that ever took place in the short history and existence of our planet. Our earth, which has seen an uncountable number of deaths, actually stopped rotating because it felt sad for the death of squirrel supporters. There has never been an event in history that has actually had a direct impact on the earth's rotation. At one point during the war, two soldiers from opposing sides came together in realization that this whole war was unnecessary. They then spoke to their superiors in regards to drawing up a treaty and it was later done. The treaty stated that nuts were to be picked 6 times a month and put in a preserving bin specifically for squirrels so that the population of nuts would be evenly divided between human and squirrel. Peace was finally found and the Battle of the Nuts was over.-Arian Suliamani