El Porko: The Origin Story

On April 4, 1957 in La Tuna, Mexico a small pig named Joaquin Porkera was born. During the early stages of his life Joaquin’s family hardly had any money and often relied on gifts of food from the local pig cartel who titled themselves, “Los Cerdos”. Joaquin looked up to these cartel members and when he turned 8 he volunteered to operate in a mission for the first time. His task was to carry small shipments of a new substance titled “barro” which was a very concentrated mud that served as a psychedelic when rolled around in. He delivered the shipment in a timely fashion and the cartel knew they had something special in him. Over the next 15 years Joaquin would deliver over 100000 tons of barro to most of the cities in Mexico. When he finally turned 23 he grew tired of simply delivering barro and wanted a higher position within the cartel. He approached his commander Pablo Pigscobar asking for a greater role and was rejected. Infuriated, El Porko rallied several of his comrades and burnt down Pablo Pigscobars barro plant. This led to the first Civil Gang War amongst the pig community in Mexico. For 3 years El Porkos army fought Pablos in various cities throughout Mexico. The war came to an end when El Porkos troops raided Pablos farm and killed the don. This victory gave El Porko access to every barro route that Pablo had used before. He added this to the routes that he had procured while fighting and created the largest pig cartel in recorded history and they still go by the original title of “Los Cerdos”. Over the past 30 years El Porko has escaped prison 6 times thanks to a brilliant tunnel system he had some ally gophers build. El Porko is still alive today and he was last seen in Mexico 

 Source: Omar Mustafa