Floggertin. Floggertin derives from the Finnish term floggertinuhala; flogger- meaning ‘wind’ and –tinuhala meaning ‘relief of.’ Floggertin is the scientific term defining the moment of instantaneous relief one feels after passing gas through the rectum. Discovered in 1963, Lithuanian scientist, Dr. Arvidas Kalabanois (1924-1982), famously known for specializing in Excrement Studies at the University of Finland, discovered the phenomena through experimental methods by using infrared light to record the pressure of gas in the small intestines and rectums of various human subjects using a floggertin machine, commonly known the FloggertinT781 Gas Blaster Identifying Unit. In her studies, Dr. Kalabanois noted that each subject, both male and female, felt instantaneous relief once the gas was released from the subject’s rectum at its crescendo. Dr. Kalabanois named this sensation after her first husband, Dmitry Floggingtin, who was of Finnish origin. The ramifications of discovering floggertin proved invaluable after a new set of experiments were conducted to potentially harness the power behind floggertin. Before her untimely death in 1982, Dr. Kalabanois poised the hypothesis that the crescendo of floggertin from one subject, if harnessed, could supply enough power to fully sustain an average city for seven years which would eradicate the use of nuclear power plants and fossil fuel usage which is the main cause of global warming and ozone layer depletion. Floggertin, as Dr. Kalabanois explains, “…[floggertin] is the only natural way to fuel this world effectively, both in terms of cost and availability.” On a related note, the Excrement Studies department at the Universityof Finland has been researching the technologies and conducting experiments since 1982 to make her dream of fueling the world with floggertin a reality. As of February 2012, there have been no recent developments with floggertin and the department is in line to be shut down due to hard economic times and non-funding.

Ante Baricevic