Richard Cranium

Richard Cranium VII (born Nevuary 32th, 1984) is an American superhero known to the world as Dick Head (DH).He is known for his superhuman drinking abilities.  His ability to drink copious amounts of alcohol turns him into a crime fighter. Cranium is currently hospitalized awaiting a liver transplant due to non drinking injury sustained while others were intoxicated.  Richard's disguise consist of white earbuds  and a pair of boat shoes.  His arch enemy is his mother in-law, who spews derogatory speech about him.  His known associates are Lush-us Lopez, Compulsive Katie, and Coke-head Craig, together they form the Degenerate Clique.

Early Life

Richard was born in San Jose, California to Richard the VI and Patty Cranium, he came from a long line of Richard Craniums before him.  Richard Cranium attended a Southern Baptist church as a boy, where he was exposed to alcohol for the first time while taking communion. He soon realized after he consumed alcohol his senses heightened, he grow stronger, and achieved mental clarity.  Afraid of his gift, Richard abstained for alcohol except in dire situations or what he deemed as life threatening. As Dick grew in physical size, he realized his needed to consume more alcohol to garner the same superhero-like powers. While attending San Jose State University,  Dick was involved in a car accident and pulled a man from the burning wreckage. Rather than give up his secret identity he was cited for driving under the influence of a controlled substance.


Once he graduated from college Cranium took a software sales job in the Silicon Valley. This was by design so that Dick could constantly go to work dinners and entertain his clients with different spirits. Richard came to realize that different booze enhanced different powers, whiskey made him stronger, scotch increased his intellect, and so one.  Sales was his trade by day, but when the sun set Richard was a vigilant with just earbuds to conceal his identity from the masses. Cranium thwarted a  terrorist attempt on  the President elect on election night in 2008.  Richard amassed millions of dollars in his 15 year career in sales affording him the luxury of traveling and having a rather extensive liquor collection. He was in search of alcohol that he was yet to consume, a liquor that would give him immortality.  He retired from his day job in 2009 to focus on fighting crime not only here in the California Bay Area, but globally. Dick Head has a strict no kill policy no matter how violent or dangerous the assailant may be.

Controversy and hospitalization

While over the years many people have challenged Dick Head to drinking contest, mainly for charitable organizations, the one with former presidents George W. and George H. Bush turned into a fiasco. DH was ambushed by father and son who had been serving him water to weaken his ability to defend himself. DH suffered cuts and bruises but his worst injury was to his liver. The Bushes had kicked DH while he was down. He was taken to Baylor University Medical Center to examine the extent of this liver injury and then was later flown to Stanford Medical Center,  where he is currently waiting on a liver. Without the liquor of immortality or a liver transplant Richard “Dick Head” Cranium will parish.

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