FANDOM



Sanger Beer, with the slogan, “The friend you wish you had,” is making waves at college campuses around the country.  Sanger president Joe Shmo, a recent college dropout, had this to say about the beer that he created in his parents’ garage, “After dropping out of college during my 13th semester studying philosophy I realized that college only left me questioning everything I ever thought, but there was one nagging question that I needed answered; why did my friends always talk me into doing so many dumb things?  I thought that I was the life of the party.  I held the record the longest keg stand in my dorm and for the most visits from university police.  It was all fun and games, but now as I approach my mid-twenties I realized that I was the butt of a long six year joke.  That’s when I set out to make a beer that was more user friendly.”  

Business ModelEdit

Sanger Inc. is a pioneer in the beer industry with innovations such as the narrow mouth bottle, the patent pending beer tipper, and it’s extremely low alcohol content of only 1%.  The narrow mouth bottle serves only one purpose, to slow how fast one can drink, and it does it with utmost efficiency.  The beer tipper is modeled after the child’s toy called the cow tipper which makes the mooooo noise when tipped upside down.  This adult version activates when the drinker upends the bottle trying salvage every last drop.  With sayings like, “There goes another five bucks,” “You left your fly down…again,” and “Remember that big paper you blew earlier tonight?” people have a friend that cares more about them than they actually do.  When asked about his beer’s low alcohol content Shmo said, “Our hopes are that between the narrow bottle and lack of alcohol people won’t get drunk and instead will go do something productive.”  Market research has shown that Taco Bells and cheap pizza places have had their late night sales fall by 90% where Sanger has debuted.  The Sanger website views this initial success as a clear indicator that consumers are ready for a real game changer.   

By: James de la Rosa