The Milk River (colloquially referred to as the Cow) is the longest dairy based river in the continental region of the planet Breakfast, covering a distance of 2,000 earth miles (3218.69 earth kilometers). It flows from north to south, originating in the Udder Mountains, and empties at the Straits of Pasteurization and Homogenization into the Two Percent Sea. It serves as a primary food source for all four tribes that reside along its banks. They are the Waffle clan, the Toasters, the Eggheads, and the Baconators. The total population of the region is 20 million.

The river is inhabited by a wide variety of grain based aquatic creatures. They range from the rarely seen French toast crunchfish to the common Cheeriofish. These creatures are generally not carnivorous and feed on the various natural impurities contained in their ecosystem. Their eating habits result in the river’s milk being safe for consumption by all the inhabitants who reside on the river’s banks. These inhabitants sail on the river for transport, trade, and commercial fishing. The rights of passage set forth by International Breakfast Maritime laws that apply to the Two Percent Sea do not apply to the Milk River, which has led to some conflict between the clans. This conflict was resolved with the passage of the Treaty of IHOP, which outlines a system for rights of passage based on diplomatic standing and other vessel purposes. It also allowed for the creation of an intra-tribe tourism system, which is projected to increase government revenues by 25%.