The Power of Gluten

In October 2018 the United States Food and Drug Administration did a thorough study on gluten in human diets. The results of the study showed that gluten in foods cause human-like super powers when eaten on a daily basis. A sample study of one hundred humans were randomly selected for the FDA’s experiment (50 men and 50 women). Each human was given the same foods containing gluten for a duration of six months. After each month scientists evaluated the men and women to see how the gluten in their diet affected each test subject. After month one head scientist Bobby Jones noted, “The month one evaluation on gluten showed that both men and women subjects gained strength of two to three times the average healthy human being.” Furthermore, Jones also made evaluations after months two through three and his results went as followed, “All one hundred subjects gained increased lung capacity and skin tensile strength that was twice as strong as steel.” From months four and five the most drastic changes occured within the human test subjects. Jones mentioned, “Months four and five have shown the biggest changes in the human test subjects. Both the men and women began to all show changes in different ways, gaining different abilities amongst these last two months. For example, test subject 45 (male subject) showed the development of fins and gills similar to that of a fish. In addition, test subject 32 (female subject) gained the ability to have x-ray and thermal vision.” From the six month test experiment, the United States Food and Drug Administration concluded that gluten in foods may cause super human-like powers. They advise grocery shoppers to be aware when shopping for gluten based foods and to always consume gluten foods with caution.